Once upon a time not long a go, I was having brunch in one of the fine coffee shop with two of my best friends that I have known for quite long times. And here we are, three young girls, all singles, and all have different characteristics talking about anything, for anything can really bring us together. In the middle of our conversation, I asked them about the future. What are we going to be in the next ten years? Will we be the same personalities that sit together right now?
In ten years from now, will Sandra be the fine writer as her goal right now? Will Xiao-Ma be the same childish, funny and adorable person no matter what she does next? More, will I be the Florensia that I always dream of?
I wonder, will ten years give us enough time to be what we want to be right now? To be someone that can wake up in the morning and feel happy about our life. Will ten years of life will changes us? If ten years really changes me, what I will be in the next ten years from now?
In the next ten years, will I be rich and success? Or I will be someone who are in deep frustration for not be rich and success? Will I be happy for my life? Or will I be crazy of my life?
You know what; I do really hope that there is some guiding book for live. So that I can know which road to take, what job to do, and more which life is the best for me. With that book, my life maybe become so predictable, which is actually quite sucks and super duper boring, but at least I don’t have to guessing in the dark for every decision that I will take.
Our future is as mysterious as the mystery of universe. If future can be so mysterious, what is the best thing for us to deal with its mystery? What mystery behind my next ten years? Well, maybe you have to wait until next ten years to get the answer. Right now, I just want to sit and finish writing my English assignment.
Monday, February 28, 2011
A Beautiful Life (story)
I am here, alone. Driving my old motorcycle, go along my town street. My meeting with Darren, my high school’s friend two hours a go was still left on my mind. He asked me why I didn’t come to his party last Saturday night. And I do not have the answer. I wanted to say that he had not invited me, but I cancelled, and just keep the answer on my mind. That fact will hurt me more than to him.
She is not the first friend of mine, who’s no longer involved me in their life. Situation changed. Yea... I know. We are no longer in high school anymore. So, situa-tion got changed. Although actually, I never thought that my world would turn up side down like this after my high school graduation. Back at that time, I always imagined that friendship would last forever. We will be friends forever, just like our promises.
However, situation got changed. My friends, now, are old enough to get driv-ing licenses. And as soon as they get it, their parents give them a new car. The newest car that even its advertisement has not yet released. At first, it was fun. They let me join them to test their car, and of course, their driving skill. That was great experience for me, remembering that my parents can only inherit me old motorcycle. But this fun just like mist in the morning. Soon, as fast as they learn to drive smoothly, they start to ride without my presence.
Fashion also leads our friendship to different ways. With my baggy trousers, old t-shirt, and don’t forget my big thick eyeglasses, I looked like an alien when I hang out with my old high school friends. They wore leather pants and cool t-shirt with low-nicotine cigarette between their lips. So fashionable. So expensive. So far from my financial ability. Hahaha. In high school, where everyone had to wear uni-forms, these differences were not very clearly appeared. I had the same self-confidence as every friend I had. Not like now, when I have to hide on my friend’s back every time we walk on the mall or any public places. I don’t want to embarrass my self, if you want to know why.
The most upsetting point happened when I had to face the fact that my parents can’t afford for my higher education. As blue-collar worker, my father expected me to find a job as soon as possible, to help him support our family financial problems. So, there I am, sitting at the back of the cashier table of Guard, mini market nearby my neighbourhood. This job, though helps me cover my little sister’s school fee, was so pathetic. Sitting from 10 a.m. to 04 p.m. every day really gave me pain in my ass! Really! So, while my friends started to go to their university to reach every dream they have, I was stuck at this point! When they read literature works, I spent most of my time reading expiration date on the label can.
I did not blame my faith. No! I faced this situation as cool as every 19 years old teenagers could. I did my job well. I gave my attention to every customer coming, including sweet smile for extra. I read in public library to sharpen my brain. I also took care of my “ancestor”; I used to call my motorcycle like that, although this “ancestor” sometimes forced me to pull it a long the road. Especially, I never blamed my parents for every thing that happens to me. They love me as much as every parent can do. It was not their fault that I couldn’t go to the university or that I only had motorcycle to ride. They supported me with love and laughter. And every time I felt disappointed with my friends, they were always there for me, giving diversion for my broken heart. It is a beautiful life.
Though, if this is a beautiful life, why I am here? Sitting on my old motorcy-cle, smoking cheap cigarette, doing nothing on the rail waiting for the train. If this is a beautiful life, why am I not moving from my spot as the train is getting closer and closer? If this is a beautiful life, why are tears rolling down my cheek when I heard the train thundering straight to my spot? Why don’t I fell any regret when the train runs over my body? Why there is no peace that I expect when I heard my bones bro-ken into pieces? Why? Because this is a beautiful li...
End.
She is not the first friend of mine, who’s no longer involved me in their life. Situation changed. Yea... I know. We are no longer in high school anymore. So, situa-tion got changed. Although actually, I never thought that my world would turn up side down like this after my high school graduation. Back at that time, I always imagined that friendship would last forever. We will be friends forever, just like our promises.
However, situation got changed. My friends, now, are old enough to get driv-ing licenses. And as soon as they get it, their parents give them a new car. The newest car that even its advertisement has not yet released. At first, it was fun. They let me join them to test their car, and of course, their driving skill. That was great experience for me, remembering that my parents can only inherit me old motorcycle. But this fun just like mist in the morning. Soon, as fast as they learn to drive smoothly, they start to ride without my presence.
Fashion also leads our friendship to different ways. With my baggy trousers, old t-shirt, and don’t forget my big thick eyeglasses, I looked like an alien when I hang out with my old high school friends. They wore leather pants and cool t-shirt with low-nicotine cigarette between their lips. So fashionable. So expensive. So far from my financial ability. Hahaha. In high school, where everyone had to wear uni-forms, these differences were not very clearly appeared. I had the same self-confidence as every friend I had. Not like now, when I have to hide on my friend’s back every time we walk on the mall or any public places. I don’t want to embarrass my self, if you want to know why.
The most upsetting point happened when I had to face the fact that my parents can’t afford for my higher education. As blue-collar worker, my father expected me to find a job as soon as possible, to help him support our family financial problems. So, there I am, sitting at the back of the cashier table of Guard, mini market nearby my neighbourhood. This job, though helps me cover my little sister’s school fee, was so pathetic. Sitting from 10 a.m. to 04 p.m. every day really gave me pain in my ass! Really! So, while my friends started to go to their university to reach every dream they have, I was stuck at this point! When they read literature works, I spent most of my time reading expiration date on the label can.
I did not blame my faith. No! I faced this situation as cool as every 19 years old teenagers could. I did my job well. I gave my attention to every customer coming, including sweet smile for extra. I read in public library to sharpen my brain. I also took care of my “ancestor”; I used to call my motorcycle like that, although this “ancestor” sometimes forced me to pull it a long the road. Especially, I never blamed my parents for every thing that happens to me. They love me as much as every parent can do. It was not their fault that I couldn’t go to the university or that I only had motorcycle to ride. They supported me with love and laughter. And every time I felt disappointed with my friends, they were always there for me, giving diversion for my broken heart. It is a beautiful life.
Though, if this is a beautiful life, why I am here? Sitting on my old motorcy-cle, smoking cheap cigarette, doing nothing on the rail waiting for the train. If this is a beautiful life, why am I not moving from my spot as the train is getting closer and closer? If this is a beautiful life, why are tears rolling down my cheek when I heard the train thundering straight to my spot? Why don’t I fell any regret when the train runs over my body? Why there is no peace that I expect when I heard my bones bro-ken into pieces? Why? Because this is a beautiful li...
End.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Do you know how much i miss you?
Sometimes a lie can make us happy, at least for a while. Because i'm happy after telling a lie to my heart that you STILL love me like you used to do. There is no words that explain the way I feel right now. I'm speechless and my heart is in pain. You disappointed me yet again. When i sing, I start to cry. Tempted, I try not to cry. I try my hardest to not shed a tear.
Dear "Tummy", sorry for the butterflies; "Pillow", sorry for the tears; "Heart", sorry for the damage. Dear "Brain", sorry for the overload and you were right.
You're the reason for the stars in the sky.
But you're also the reason for the teardrops on my pillow, dad.
I'm smiling because mommy told me i would meet you someday, for a while i started to doubt, maybe NOT NOW. Do you know how much i miss you?
PS: did i mention im really sad ??
Just because I smile doesn't mean that I'm happy. My smile is just a mask hiding my pain
So.... don't you think I should run?
Run away and be free.... go outside and sleep beside a tree....
You're the reason for the stars in the sky.
But you're also the reason for the teardrops on my pillow, dad.
I'm smiling because mommy told me i would meet you someday, for a while i started to doubt, maybe NOT NOW. Do you know how much i miss you?
PS: did i mention im really sad ??
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