I've learned...

I’ve learned-
that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I’ve learned-
that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.
I’ve learned-
that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned-
that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I’ve learned-
that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
I’ve learned-
that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
I’ve learned-
that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.
I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.
I’ve learned-
that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I’ve learned-
that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I’ve learned-
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I’ve learned-
that you can keep going long after you can’t.
I’ve learned-
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I’ve learned-
that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I’ve learned-
that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I’ve learned-
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I’ve learned-
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I’ve learned-
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I’ve learned-
that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I’ve learned-
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned-
that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
I’ve learned-
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I’ve learned-
that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
I’ve learned-
that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.
I’ve learned-
that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned-
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned-
that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
I’ve learned-
that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I’ve learned-
that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I’ve learned-
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I’ve learned-
that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.
I’ve learned-
that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I’ve learned-
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I’ve learned-
that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
I’ve learned-
that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.
I’ve learned-
that people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Rocks, Pebbles and Sand

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2 inches in diameter.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.”
“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter – like your job, your house, your car.
The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”
“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.
Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand

Rocks, Pebbles and Sand

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2 inches in diameter.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.”
“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter – like your job, your house, your car.
The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”
“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.
Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand

What makes life worth living?

When people have to cope with difficult situation in their lives, they sometimes reassure themselves by saying everything happens for a reason. For some people, thinking this way makes it easier to deal with their problems, relationship problems, financial crisis, disease, death, and even natural disaster such as earthquake. It can be distressing to think that bad things happen merely through chance or accident. But, they actually do.


The saying that everything happens for a reason is the modern, New Age version of the old religious saying: "It's God's will." The two sayings have the same problem - the complete lack of evidence that they're true. Not only there is no good evidence that God exists, we have no way of knowing what it is that s/he wanted to happen, other than that it actually did happen. Did God really will that hundreds of thousands of people die in an earthquake in one of the world's poorest countries? What could be the reason for this disaster and the ongoing suffering of million of people deprived of food, water and shelter? Why do people find it reassuring that the Haiti earthquake happened for a reason such the will of God, when such terrible events suggest a high degree of malevolence in the universe or its alleged creator? Fortunately, such events can alternatively - and with good evidence- be viewed as the result of accidents and possibly even of chance.


The idea that chance is an objective property of the universe was advocated in the nineteenth century by the great American philosopher Charles Sanders Pierce, who called this doctrine tychism, from the Greek word for chance. Scientific support for the doctrine came in the twentieth century with the development of quantum theory, which is often interpreted as implying that some events such radioactive decay are inherently unpredictable.

Even if events that affect human lives do not happen by quantum chance, many of them should be viewed as happening by accident, in the sense that they are the improbable result of the intersection of independent causal chains. The deaths in Haiti, for example, is the result of many causal chains, primarily the historical events that led to million of people living near Port-au-Prince, and the seismic events occurring in the tangle of tectonic faults near the intersection of two crustal plates. These deaths were accidental happened in the intersection of the unconnected causal chains and this was unpredictable. Neither history nor seismology are random, but their intersection often are so unforeseeable that we should call them accidental. These deaths were accidental in the intersection of the unconnected causal chains.

The doctrine that everything happens for a reason has intellectual variants. The German philosopher, Hegel; what is rational is real and what is real is rational. Similarly, before the recent meltdowns in the financial system, it was a dogma of economic theory that individuals and markets are inherently rational. Some naive evolutionary biologist and psychologist assume that all common traits and behaviors must have evolved from an optimizing process of natural selection. In history, economics, biology and psychology, we should always be willing to consider evidence for the alternative hypothesis that some events occur because of a combination of chance, accidents and human irrationality.

If the real isn't rational, how can we cope with life's disaster? Fortunately, even without religious or New Age illusions, people have many psychological resources for coping with the difficulties of life. These include cognitive strategies for generating explanations and problem solutions and emotional strategies for managing the fear, anxiety and anger that naturally accompany setbacks and threats. Psychological research has identified many ways to build resilience in individuals and groups, such as developing problem solving skills and strong social networks. Life can be highly meaningful even if some things that happen are just accident. Stuff happens and you deal with it.